Stained With Blood

This is an actual email I sent out yesterday:

Happy 21st Birthday,

My guess is that you weren’t expecting anything from me. Normally, that would be the case but your boyfriend kind of forced me to do it, not that I mind. I don’t know if you know this but he can be very mean sometimes. Like the time he killed my hamster in front of me with his bare hands because I wouldn’t share my Donatello action figure with him. Yeah…that wasn’t too good. That put our friendship on pretty thin ice actually. I mean it’s been 14 years but you never really get over something like that. I just bring it up because your birthday is so close to when all this happened. I remember Monday, February 10, 1992 like it was yesterday. Anyways, have a great birthday. Enjoy the gift certificate. (Sorry, I couldn’t come up with something more original). Have an extra good time for Fluffy’s sake (Ashes to ashes, dust to dust).

Talk to you later, Jake


That's probably one of the most random birthday messages I've ever sent out. My favourite thing was definitely when some people asked me if he really killed a hamster or if I made all this up. I think that's pretty obvious...He killed it.